you have no idea what sitting in a class you completely don't understand for 5 hours does to you. i started randomly writing these little emo fragments. it's quite pathetic, really. BUT I was kind of proud of this one, kind of stupidly proud because I know it's probably extremely amateur. but then I started getting this idea that one day I might publish a book called 'Notebook Collections' or something and compile all of my bored-out-of-my-mind ramblings. we shall see...

Ah, where to begin?? Tonight. Tonight I surprised my brother as promised and took him to dinner and a movie for a belated birthday celebration. After giving a brief introduction of ourselves to dad's Rotary club, dad spotted me $20 and we went to Red Brick and got Bran a sml. pizza w/ a drink (over $9!!!) which we wound up splitting and then spent the other 10 on popcorn and some junk from Wal-Mart. We saw Harry Potter 5 and Bran seemed to enjoy it - he laughed at some of the most serious parts, lol. Watching Harry Potter films are an extremely liberating experience, and if you hear me giving a random enthusiastic response to it's mention, you may now know that it is simply because I was ridiculously forbidden to see them in the past and it's a kind of reminder that legalism sucks and I don't have to feel guilty or bash my head into the wall because some people believe it's satanic or whatever. but I digress.

wallowing in self-pity is a most uncomely (not to mention ungodly) behavior, and I really have got to watch myself. I allow myself to get into the biggest funk and then that's when I start to snap at mom and such. ugly, ugly stuff. 

The true thought of the evening? Individualism.  I always hated the way I couldn't seem to blend in easily with most other people my age. I went to ridculous, stupid measures to try to make myself the same in my own screwball fashion. While my very first actual camp was fun, I was uncomfortably aware of how different I actually was. I could not believe the maturity level of people my age.  I'm sick of always being the good little child most people make me out to be, because whenever I misbehave people react more drastically. But then, I don't want to be another mindless drifter.

I am going vegan for a week when I get back from this trip. Anybody want to do it with me?

pray that all this shit between me and my parents gets worked out in the next 3 weeks. there are a million things that could distract us from getting this worked out between now and my departure date, and my unwillingness to completely iron things over on my end does not help. Grrrrrrrrrrrr